I follow many spiritual teachers, lifestyle gurus, and bad ass witches on social media. It is what I want to consume when I come to these platforms to share my work and wisdom. I have seen so many of them share a plethora of positive things to do while confined at home and new habits to replace the old habits that involved leaving the house. That is great for those of you who can easily change from one mode to the other, but for the folks that are still healing the inner child, this is very disruptive and almost impossible.
For those of you who have children or are doing or have done deep inner child work, you know that routine is the most important part of feeling secure. Children feel safe when they know what to expect in their schedule and routine. I discuss our family routine with my three year old probably 20x a day, it is how he is making sense of his life.
When I was younger, I scoffed at routine. I labeled myself as a ‘free’ person, who lived in the moment. I didn’t plan things! I lived spontaneously! I have to roll my eyes at that person. Yes, I was ‘free,’ but also I was drinking a ton of alcohol to deal with the massive underlying anxiety I was experiencing all the time. It wasn’t until I could really recognize the fear in the ‘little me’ that was begging for consistency and routine, that I could give that to myself.
Routine puts that inner child at ease. Knowing what to expect out of my day soothes her, calms her, and allows her feel peace so I can live my adult life in a healthy and creative way. My deepest sense of security comes from knowing that little person inside of me is cared for.
Many of us who have had to heal their inner child are probably experiencing really high levels of anxiety right now and are finding it really hard to make healthy choices and not fall into old coping mechanisms. Especially those who are still in the thick of that inner child work. I am here to say that you do not need to feel shame around this. You do not need to feel shame when you read a list that says, “Take advantage of this time! Meditate all day, read a book, practice yoga, cook, this time should be a gift, you should be enjoying everything all the time and no matter if your routine is crumbling to the ground you should still be practicing self care and being an incredible human that does everything the healthiest and most positive way!!!” You might not be able to cope right now. That is ok. You might not be able to do much at all because this has thrown you into a spiral. That is ok. Before I go into things that can be done that are helpful to the inner child right now, I want you to know that it is ok if you cannot do any of these things. Sometimes the best medicine is to recognize how deep our wounds go and how debilitating they can be. To find yourself sacred and bow down to your divinity even when you are making unhealthy choices and acting from your wounds is healing. Let go of the idea that you need to be performing in any way in order to be divine.
During these times, this is when my altar and my practice become very important. When most people see my altar, they probably think, “Hey, she is into some witchy shit!” Yes I am, but also, on a practical level, my altar is a physical and real place that remains the same every single day. So when I sit in front of it, the things I see, the smells I smell from the incense burning, the flames of the candles, all remind me that I can relax, that I am safe, that this is a consistent place that is always available to me. The ritual of lighting the candles, saying the mantras, moving my body, these remain the same. These things ground me and remind me that when my inner child is feeling insecure and lost, I can sit in front of some objects that look, sound, and smell familiar to me, and breathe. The idea that what I practice and teach is ‘magical’ isn’t totally correct. I believe in magic, there are parts that feel magical, but a lot of this work is very practical. My altar is very practical, ritual is very practical, my practice of breathing and being silent…on a practical level these things are very helpful. You can remove the idea of spirituality and energy and these things are still useful.
If you are feeling ungrounded right now and highly anxious, here is what I recommend:
1. Take some time to sit with your inner child, see if you can sit or lay quietly for awhile and find them inside of yourself. Check in and see how they are doing.
2. Create a daily ritual and/or altar. Maybe it is just lighting a candle every morning, maybe it feels right to make it more complex…recognize what you are capable of right now.
3. Give yourself a practice to attach to the altar and/or ritual. Maybe that is deep breathing, sitting quietly, stretching, singing, anything works, just make it the same every day.
The inner child needs an adult to provide consistency, routine and security. When that is in place then we can live our best spontaneous and creative lives. I invite you to be that adult for yourself. I also invite you to let go of shame if you can’t be that adult right now. These are troubling times and it is ok to allow yourself to be disrupted.
