By Corissa Bragg
People calling themselves an empath has become all the rage lately, especially in new age circles. As usual…I like to challenge a lot of these new age notions because I believe ultimately they simplify our humanity in ways that are not helpful. And more dangerously, I find that recognizing yourself as an ‘empath’ and stopping there on the road to self growth can be really limiting. Let’s look at what the internet is defining an empath to be, Mind Valley’s definition is of an empath is this: “the ability to understand someone’s thoughts and feelings from their perspective instead of your own.”
Many folks out there are deeming this as a certain magical power. It is not. It is usually a symptom of growing up in a household where one or both parents are narcissists or abusive. The child survives because they are able to feel and think as their parents do, helping them avoid conflict because conflict is a form of danger. Or in the case of narcisstic parents, being different or separate or less than the parents is unacceptable. This is a very intelligent way to cope with a traumatic childhood. The danger is, that the self gets completely ignored, and as this child ages, the pattern gets repeated. The child or adult now can place themselves in the shoes of everyone else, but not themselves.
I’ve read lots of articles that claim if you are an empath, it’s tiring for you to be around people, you need to spend a lot of time alone, you carry others pain, etc… The danger of the empath label, means that these wounds do not get addressed, these wounds (because that is exactly what they are, wounds coming through as personality traits) steal time and energy and continue to be a coping mechanism to only look at others instead of looking at the self.
This is where we have to look at the empath label as a coping mechanism. The wounds that were given as children are not the person’s fault, but there is an opportunity in this life to grow out of these wounds. It is important to let go of the ‘empath’ label and start addressing WHY we would rather feel the feelings of others instead of looking at our own feelings. WHY we let others drain us instead of having good boundaries. And here is where I do get a little new agey…I think that boundaries are not just something we need to work through emotionally but also energetically and in the body. I do think we can unconsciously be allowing ourselves to be energetically drained, but I also reject the idea that it is just a part of who we are.
If people survived as children by ignoring themselves and tending to the emotional needs and expectations of their parents, they are most likely an empath, but it is not a permanent state. With therapy, mindfulness, body and soul work, you can move beyond living and feeling for others and start to live and feel for yourself. You can start to control your urges of empathy and use them for those who will give it to you in return. You can exercise your boundaries, and this is the HARDEST work you will ever do, because it feels so cruel when you think the world needs you to be empathetic all the time. The world needs you to know yourself and share your gifts from a place of power and autonomy. Empathy is an important part of our human nature, but it needs to be done in a mindful way, and in a way that is in balance with the person you are.
